So I am 36 weeks pregnant and have a huge decision on my hands: Do I have a c-section or not? This is a very difficult decision for me. I should mention that from the very beginning the doctor has felt I should have a section, here is the whole story.
By now, everyone knows I did not dilate at all when I went into labor for 30 hours with Kyle. Maybe it was due to the fact Kyle was so big and my body just decided he was not coming out that way, or maybe I just can't/don't dilate.
The deal I made with both myself and the doctor was that if she was going to be approximately 8lb 8oz or less I would try a VBAC delivery, if she was 8lb 9oz or more I would give in and have the c-section. Today, we had an ultrasound and she is already approximately 7lb 5 oz. The doctor is guessing she is going to be 9lbs and change which of course means I am supposed to have the c-section.
I am very disappointed. I really would like to experience a VBAC. I think I am more so upset because a woman told me I was not a "real" woman because I did not experience a "real" delivery. She felt because it was an "emergency" situation that it was not my fault, but anyone who schedules a section is just weak. It actually made me think...maybe I really should try again. I truly in my heart would like to experience a "natural" delivery. But, there are so many variables.
The thoughts that run through my mind are: 1.) I really do not want a scheduled c-section, I would like Hailey to come into the world on her own terms in her own time. 2.) I really do want to experience a natural delivery. 3.) The recovery from a c-section is LONG!! I will be in the hospital 4-5 days which is the longest I will ever be away from Kyle (I have been away from him maybe 50 hours since he was born and 24 hours of that was recently)PLUS when I get home I will have a 1 year old who loves to be held and played with..especially with Mommy =). 4.) Do I labor again for 30 hours to need a c-section anyway?? 5.) If I labor and then need a c-section anyway I may not have my doctor. I switched to my doctor when my original OB/GYN got out of obstetrics, I went with the doctor who performed my first c-section because he did an amazing job and he stitches, not staples. 6.) If I push I could rupture my uterus. Once you have a c-section your uterus has been ripped into and needs to heal, unfortunately my body only got to heal for a few months and then the uterus starts stretching out and weakening again, so I may need an emergency c-section anyway.
I guess in typing all this out the answer is clear; what is best for me would be a c-section, I just don't know if it is best for my family. It also saddens me to know I may never experience a true birth..but does that make me less of a mother? Are those who adopt children not real mothers??? I feel they are. Most anyone can mother or father a child. It takes true love, and strength, patience, commitment, understanding and so much more to be a mommy or daddy, despite how this child has come to join your world.
I guess I am going to meet Miss Hailey Rose DeVincent May 14,2009. At least now on the days that I feel like I am done and just can not handle being pregnant anymore I know when the end is, there is no wondering or stressing and we can plan exactly what to do with Kyle =) I am still a little sad and disappointed, but I am sure the instant I meet my little lady it will all be worth it. See you in 22 days baby girl =)
My neighbor is going through the same thing. She is opting for another c-section because of that 1% chance of something happening. Better safe than sorry, I guess! Good luck with whatever it is you choose.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I would like to slap that woman who said you are not a real mother becuase you did not experience a "natural" childbirth... in the grand scheme of things it is not how you aquire a child ( c sections, adoption, vaginal) that makes you a mother it is everything else you do for them. What is best for your family is that you are healthy and there for them aftery Hailey's arrival. It will be a learning experience for Kyle that you need to do things differenty for a little bit after the c section, but even after a "natural" birth your body would need time to heal (if you need more details to make you feel better about your decision let me know) So be proud of your body-you were able to carry 2 babies in 2 years to full term that is a miracle and something you should be very proud of..... and remember in the long run it is not how your child came into this world it is all the experiences afterward that make you a mother!! Congrats.. can't wait to see pics after the 14th!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Ladies =)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Trish and Dawn--after laboring for 24 hours, I ended up with a section, too, and I will schedule one for my next baby. Why? Because I DID the labor thing--and you did it longer than me--and I don't feel any less of a mother because he came out of my tummy instead! My sister had a scheduled section, and it was relaxing and happy for everyone--including her one-year-old son, who got to be there for all of it without being scared by a sweating, screaming mommy. The recovery will be long but enjoy those 4 days--you'll be home soon enough with two babies under two!!!
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